Not jokes
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
What's gayer than a gangbang in a man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?
Home buttons.
Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.