Not jokes
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
What do you call an orphan who can't get 5 stars on GTA?
Not wanted.
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!
So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!
When is a door not a door?
Why do orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't make a home run.
"Hey, kid, why are you so fat?"
"Why did you insult him? That's not nice."
"It won't matter, he's deaf."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.