Not jokes

Child

    • The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

    Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

    "Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

    "Yes," whispered the small voice.

    "May I talk with her?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"

    "Yes."

    "May I talk with him?"

    Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

    "A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

  • 1

    • Moose

    • What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?

    "I'm not a-moosed right now."

  • 1

    • Lawyer

    • What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

    They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

  • 2
    • Not memes

    Fireman

    • A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?

    Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.

    Scarecrow

    • My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

    So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

    In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

  • 1

    • Mama

    • How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

    Johnny

    • One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

    Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

    Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

  • 1

    • Face

    • Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!