Not jokes

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

In my free time, I like to help blind people.

Verb, not adjective.

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

What do you call a born-again heteroflexible male that is a Christian nationalist who thinks he is bisexual when the LGBT community knows that he is bicurious and that he is on steroids and that the LGBT community knows that he is not telling the truth about that? He is a gay man that is in the closet. He should be forced out of the closet by gay men in the LGBT community by any means necessary if gay men in the LGBT community still want to defend the wall of separation of church and state by any means necessary.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?

Harlem, New York.

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.