Not jokes
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?
Because they already 69'd.
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
Yo mama is so ugly that not even the Socs wanted to jump her.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
Bob has no arms.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's not Bob."
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Not a joke.
Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.