Not jokes

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?

The guy was black.

Yo mama is so ugly that not even the Socs wanted to jump her.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Why do orphans not use iPhones?

Because they don't have a home button.

Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re not wanted.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.

I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

I'm not completely useless....

I can be used as a bad example!