Not jokes
Why do orphans eat breakfast with water?
The dad did not come home with the milk.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.