Not jokes
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
What did A say to Y?
"You cannot be alpha like me." :)
Y said, "Why? (Y)"
The earth is not round.
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When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"