Not jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your dad.
What do you not bring to a paparazzi? A balloon.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Why do orphans not have parents?
Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.
Why do orphans not love their parents?
Because they don’t have parents.
Why do orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't make a home run.
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
Your hairline is so bent, not even NASA can find it.
Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
"Hey, kid, why are you so fat?"
"Why did you insult him? That's not nice."
"It won't matter, he's deaf."
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Even if you do burn down an orphanage, it's not gonna matter. It's not like they have homes.
If you bully a kid, bully an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.