No one jokes
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
A person with a wheelchair makes a joke. No one laughs.
Inner thought: "Wheely Manerva, wheely."
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
Hippity hoppity, you are no one's property.
The ketchup told a joke. No one was laughing, but the egg was cracking up!
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
No one who?
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
Hey Alya and JK Master, how are you guys doing? No one being an ass to you guys today, right? If so, I'll beat them up :)
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Why are you mad because no one wants to adopt me?
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.