Night jokes

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

What does Joyce do on a Saturday night?

Netflix and Will? Will? WILL!? WIIIILLLL?

What do people ask on a Friday night?

"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.