Newness jokes

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Idaho... Alaska!

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

If George Floyd was in the new Little Mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs I took plenty Now I can’t breathe

There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.

It's a canariel disease, untweetable.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.

Head and Shoulders!

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

Why are New Yorkers scared of airplanes?

What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?

What do you call New York City?

A human zoo.

Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."