Newness jokes
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
Why can't New Yorkers play chess?
Because they lost their towers.
I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.
Hey! Guess what? I created a new word!
Plagiarism!
What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.
Haway Five O.
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
Why are New Yorkers scared of airplanes?
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!