Newness jokes
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).
I love my new phone.
Bro looks like his mom dropped him when he was a new born
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?
They both fall in September.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Why are New Yorkers scared of airplanes?
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."