Newness jokes

Depression

    • Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

    Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

    My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

    Newness memes

    Fart

    • But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

    After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

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    • Center

    • Like a work film, to take new in the center.

    More good, Tar de Spring is the mill Murray Hurlowar Skelett Dwight Dowl - for its general help!

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    • Flight

    • I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

    At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

    Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

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    • Mom

    • As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

    I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

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    • Insult

    • Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

    Vortex: "You'll do what?"

    Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

    *Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

    Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

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    • Canoe

    • A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

    The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

    And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

    The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

    The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

    The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

    And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

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