Newness jokes
Who wants to buy my new NFT?
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
What did the blond say about the new iPhone?
Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Memes
Ohio getting out of hand
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?
Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
I have made a new word: Plagiarism.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”