Newness jokes

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

Why were the Twin Towers afraid of the New York Jets?

Because they are afraid of the jet.

Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?

Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.

Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?

Because he’s always on the webcast.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.

Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

I have made a new word: Plagiarism.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.