Newness jokes
What did the atom say to the other atom?
"Did you see the new Tron movie?"
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
I'm inventing a new glue and calling it "Six Seven"... it's a chemical brainrott.
I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?
The New York Jets.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.