H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys was saying your mom is good at her job, but I realize my mom doesn't work. So I ask my mom why are these guys saying your good at your job, you don't work. My mom said yeah I got new job. So I said what do you do. My said job hand, no I mean is called a hand job
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
What does the child with no hands got for christmas? Unknown he hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in new york got for christmas? Hypothermia.
[god creating Asians] “aliright and the design is finished, see our new model the Asian. It has no hair at all”. Angel asks “does it eat normal food”?, god replies, “ (chuckling) oh no not at all.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily! Get it? I don't either- I get the New York Times!
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. they did this one time a night. The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said eww it tastes like cheese and onions. The husband replied hang on I haven't put the condom on yet.
my blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike he should have been paying attention
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to NEW HEIGHTS
Why was the ant so smart? Because it always new the ant er
The 🦅 asked the female eagle what did you eat l ate NEW York hot dogs
what is the the main group of teens in a west side story? New York jets
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends the holder of the nations purse, Fishi Rucksack will launch a new initiative. This will be to help the struggling 'personal services' industry, and will be labelled, 'Sleep out to Help out.'
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
y do people name a kid rob because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in there basement for a late night toy
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter? Palpatine: Flew it.
I bought a new shot gun the other day want to know what I called it? Kurt Cobain's microphone.
My mom show me that she could deep throat a banana. I ask my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said I practice on your new step father.
