Worst Jokes Ever
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
How do you surprise a blind kid?
Put a plunger in the toilet.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.
Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.
This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.
Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9 and 11.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
Wait till the end.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
But why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11!
Dark humor is like water.
Some people get it, others don't.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
It's raining men! Hallelujah!
Pop in the toilet.
It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me!