Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.