Worst Jokes Ever
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.