Worst Jokes Ever
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Your face.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
My life.
Kill me, please.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.