What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
Worst Jokes Ever
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
