What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
