Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"?
No?
Because it hasn't come out yet.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.
Letter A lmao xd 😂😂😂😂
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What's the difference between Spongebob and a feminist?
A feminist has hair.
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
