Worst Jokes Ever
Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
Quack!
What did the cow say every morning?
Good moorning!
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
Why did the fridge have lots of friends?
Cause it was COOL.
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)