Worst Jokes Ever
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
What’s Stephen Hawking's favorite song? Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
[Link to YouTube video]
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
This is a joke in itself.
Stephen Hawking lost Wi-Fi connection.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.