Worst Jokes Ever
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.
Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?
Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
l li
ll l_
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
What do you call a cutta with ginger hair?
Flinn Taylor.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him?
Because krypton is "stable."
What's Bin Laden's favorite flavor of crisp? Plain.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.