Worst Jokes Ever

Most people smother babies with love.

I smother them with pillows.

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

- Sure.

Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]

Your momma!

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

A blind person walks into a bar.

Because they can’t see where they are going.

Why is the homeless homeless?

Because it's homeless.

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!

What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?

You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?

There were three boys on the top of a slide.

The first one went down yelling "gold!" and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted "pillows!" and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted "weeeeeeeee!"

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

My chance of finding love.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Your d*** size...

Why can't America play chess?

They're missing two towers.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.