Worst Jokes Ever
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What noise did Steven Hawking make when he died?
Windows shutting down.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Jnnnnnnnnnnnjjjjjjjjjooooooojjkk.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."