Worst Jokes Ever
What did the whale say?
Nothing!
It just wailed.
"I created the Human Torch."
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
There's only one gender. Women are property.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
Q: What's yellow and can't swim?
A: A school bus full of children.
mnvsdvmsdnva.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
What do you call a dog wearing a beret?
Smeargle!
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.