Worst Jokes Ever

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Person: Why?

Me: Because he wanted to.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

dfg.

If hi = hi?

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

I was reading a book about anti-gravity, I couldn't put it down!

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.