Worst Jokes Ever
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
Really bad penis joke.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Bird Box.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
Stan Lee walked into a school one day.
Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(
Tyler is cool.