Worst Jokes Ever
Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Bread?
Blueface baby!
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH!!!
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.