Worst Jokes Ever
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Bread?