What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
The joke about is stupid.
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Ur mum gay.
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? The Microsoft shutdown sound.
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
