Worst Jokes Ever
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
Female Rights?
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
Prankster kid: Knock knock.
Neighbor: Who's there?
...
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"I'm lagging."
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!