Worst Jokes Ever
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
Poooooooooooooooooooooop!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you!
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What goes in and takes a while to come out?
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.