Worst Jokes Ever

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

I did a walk today, but I did have a good day. Tomorrow night, I...

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.

I love my dog and all dogs.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.

Why can’t orphans eat a big bag of chips?

They are family sized.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Do you like Wendy's when these nuts hit your face?

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Mississippi girls are missing a "pp."

Welcome to Mississippi.

Hahaha, you have no PP!

Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?

Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.

Why don't gay men have anal sex in Greece? because anal sex between gay men is against the law.