What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
"Ur Mater."
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Why cant orphan kids play baseball? Cause they cant find home.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common
They never get old
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
Why cant orphans play basketball? Because they dont know were home is
