Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

Is your tap water running well?

Beta, go catch it!

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

What do you call a pissed off midget?

A micro-aggression.

Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

What does BLM stand for?

Bisexual Lives Matter.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.