Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
Q: What do you call a magic owl?
A: HOOdini
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.