Worst Jokes Ever
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
Stephen Hawking died.
Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!
Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
What's the difference between a frog and a skyscraper? The frog can jump. Hahahahaha!