Worst Jokes Ever

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?

Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

Children in the dark make mistakes.

Mistakes in the dark make children.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?

Bugs Bunny!

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!