Worst Jokes Ever
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?
They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
A: One of them gets picked.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?
He was a brave sucker.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?