Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.

What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?

They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.

Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.