Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
I forgot the joke I wanted to say.
Chat, is this real?
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
