I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
Don’t cut yourself up about it.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
