Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why aren't orphans gay.
Bc they have no one to call daddy
Why cant Orphans play baseball.
Cause they can never score home.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
why do orphans like to be gay so they can call someone daddy
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
When I walk to school I fart
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
