Worst Jokes Ever

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

Law is temporary. Syria is eternal.

People: (arguing about stopping orphan jokes since they aren't funny).

Me: (m e h. i d o n t c a r e)

People are arguing about stopping orphan jokes.

Me: m e h. i d o n t c a r e.

Yeah yeah.

Why were 9/11 victims so mad?

They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!

Vaseline

What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".

A fat man coming in the store.

Waiter: Oh god, not again :|

Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.

Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?

Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.

Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?

Because they are not going to work.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."