Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

Why can't fat kids change a tire?

They would eat the donut.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What’s better than the best thing ever?

Me being mod.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.

Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?

Because it had a Great Booty!

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.