Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Worst Jokes Ever
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
Ur mom.
Oops my bad! 😬
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Butter believe it.
I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
Do you know what the "f" in "orphan" stands for? Family. Oh wait, there is no "f."
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
