Worst Jokes Ever

Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.

Air.

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?

Because he comes in a little behind.

What do strippers and butter have in common?

Both spread for bread.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck off!

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

What is better, autism or Down syndrome?

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."