What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.
What did the Emo and the Orphan have in common?
They both hang with the trees.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Why did the Titanic sink? It's because they didn't want the icebergs' candy.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?
I don't know, you tell me.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
