A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year, and one's a great year.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What do you call a bear with no ear? A b
Whats a orphans favourite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
My bum hurts
when orphans drink milk they cry
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
