Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

What do you call an artist who couldn't make it as Hitler?

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Who.

Who who.

It is an owl!

My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

POV: You make an emo Mr. Beast.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.