Worst Jokes Ever

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

Ohio.

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?

They crash and burn.

I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.

I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

For fingering the minor.

What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?

Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

No one gives a fuck.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Why is 6 scared? Because 7 8 9.

Why is 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joe: Why?

Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.

Jimmy: Knock knock.

Joe: Who’s there?

Jimmy: It’s the chicken.

What’s the difference between a snowMAN and a snowWOMAN?

THE SNOWBALLS!

Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!

Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”