Worst Jokes Ever
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"
That's the best I've done so far.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.
What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Q: What do you call 9/11? A: Enemy persion airstrike.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"