Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joem.
Joem who?
Joem Ama.
Do you know who Dee is?
Dees nuts!
I play with balls. Not me, the girl that was "playing something."
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
What is a Karen called in Europe?
An American.
Your hairline is so far back Trump was ashamed.
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
I can see my future in your forehead.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
