They told me I could never be an actor....
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet
What does a crippled person's legs and the twin towers have in common, they both went down and never came back up
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it Leaves and never comes back
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. he said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
"Have You Ever Heard Of The Snail That Never Gives Charity?" "Yeah, He Is So Shellfish!"
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
why did hitler never go to a strip club? he hated the poles
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
