Never jokes
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"