I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
