Need jokes

Why did the short person become a chef?

Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!

Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Why do you need an AR-15?

So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Goliath.

Goliath who?

I need to Goliath down and sleep!

Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

Drake has too much meat. Donate to the people in need.

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?

In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"